Many Ups, A Few Downs

I haven’t done an actual update on our life here in a while. Besides being busy with company for the last month, it’s very difficult to even assess where I am mentally. Lots of things changing, most obviously and notably the weather. I have a feeling that October is going to be quite the spectacle around here, and for that I cannot wait. I’ve even begun finding leaves in shades of bright orange and yellow, and I’m trying to actually enjoy and savor it rather than COMPLETELY FREAKING PANIC about the upcoming winter.

I can tell you that Dr. J is about a month into his courses at NYU, and he told me yesterday that he there is no way he will be getting A’s. This is slightly disappointing, considering he has always been an A student. Apparently something they tell you as you’re entering dental school is to not expect A’s. They are throwing so much information at him in such a short amount of time that it’s hard to stay afloat, let alone receive top scores. He was totally MIA all last week as he studied for a major test in two subjects that he had yesterday. Then he had a quiz in a different class immediately after the test, and yet another quiz on Wednesday. My normally mellow husband is becoming, well, less mellow. Understandably.

I can also tell you that Bubba started preschool last week! Yes, we found a preschool. Will you believe me when I tell you that I absolutely love it? After all of the stress (and horror stories) that went into looking for a program for him, this one fell into our lap, and there just so happened to be a space available for him. I love the teacher and her assistants. There are a total of 4 adults per 10 kids in the classroom, and they are all super sweet and helpful and sensitive to the needs of 2 year olds. He had his second class this morning and is starting to mesh with the other kids a little. He’s definitely shy at first, but he’s getting the hang of it and even danced in the circle at the end of class today. I am so proud of him. The transition from CA to NYC has been easier on him than I expected, but I honestly didn’t know what would happen when we put him into a preschool class. Fortunately for all of us, it is a “Gradually Separating” program, so the parents won’t be completely gone from the class until around January. I am so excited to see him blossom on his own, and can’t wait to see him finally playing with some new friends.

Birdie is becoming quite a handful. Every day it seems she does something that leaves me scratching my head, wondering where on earth she comes up with it. Yesterday, I lost her in my 750 sq ft apartment. LOST HER. I was about to completely panic when I opened the normally closed bathroom door to find her here:

She had gone into the bathroom and shut the door behind her, and climbed into the bathtub by herself. It’s obviously not that big of a deal, but she’s never done that before, and it’s a true indication of her determination and wily spirit. The moment I leave the room that she’s in, she hollers at the top of her lungs “MA!… MA!… MA!… MAAAAAA!!!!” She used to call me mom and momma. It was really sweet. Now she sounds like a seasoned New York-ah that is 15 minutes away from wearing perfume and flipping me off behind my back. This one scares me.

I’m not sure how I am doing. I don’t pay much attention on a daily basis because I am so consumed with the kids, cleaning, grocery shopping, laundry and cooking. I’m not holding up that well though. I am struggling with doing all of these things every single day, all day and not getting much help. I am happy with my children because they are amazing, they are my angels. They sometimes drive me nuts, but they also save me every day. I am happy in our new home, I love New York City, but I really miss our family and friends in California. I miss the camaraderie with my husband. I am wondering how this will last for four years- because he is gone SO MUCH. We got into a fight over cleaning the microwave oven this morning before we all left for school and I was so, so mad at him. It was a communication issue (isn’t it always?!), and not so much about the actual microwave, but it wasn’t pretty, and it stung. When I got to preschool and sat in the parent’s group while the kids played, I learned that one of the children’s parents were splitting up. And to hear this parent express concern over the separation at home and in school was nearly more than I could handle. I seriously bit back tears for the entire group, and then watched this precious little girl play in her tattered fairy wings, seemingly carefree. I don’t know if it is because I also come from a divided family, but I wanted to just hold her and protect her innocence from the pain that comes with divorce.

Sometimes we get so carried away in our own situations that it’s impossible to put it into perspective. I got into a fight with Dr. J over cleaning the microwave and have been generally overwhelmed with running a household and raising two small children, but we’re still happy. We still want the same things for each other and our future, and knew what it was going to take to get there. It’s all just part of the process of life, and the pathway through it. Until then, I’m going to try to appreciate each and every moment… from finding pretty leaves with my babies to hugging my husband before he leaves for school, and maybe even cleaning the microwave.

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