Silent Tsunami

October is usually my second favorite month of the year. I love the changing of the seasons, the introduction of all things pumpkin to every menu, dressing up in costumes and watching my kids enjoying the excitement of Halloween.

We spent time at the Union Square Greenmarket a couple of weeks ago, gathering our gourd and vegetable bounty and playing at Evelyn’s playground. Just me and them.

These times are dwindling when it is just the three of us, yet I can’t seem to grasp on to each one long enough.





We’ve been busier than ever before. Our lives are so full with Dental School, preschool and my various projects that the days are flying by rapidly. At night, after the kids and Justin have gone to bed and it’s just me and the glow of my laptop, is when I can really just sit and bond with this new little soul we’re going to meet soon.

I’m already getting emotional about the precious time spent with my two little sidekicks before our world changes and we are no longer a party of 4, but a family of 5.




We are all really excited to meet the new baby. Zoe still carries on regular conversations with my belly and Jack thinks of something new every day that he wants to teach his little brother. The nursery is nearly finished, his crib is built and there’s a perfectly cleaned bassinet waiting to rock his sweet little self to sleep right next to my side of the bed.

While this is our third child and we feel as though we’ve prepared as best as we know how (and honestly better than the first two), our eldest seems as though he isn’t handling the impending changes very well, and is showing it behavior that we haven’t seen from him before.


Jack recently tested for and ultimately qualified to receive speech and “play” therapy sessions four times a week. We were concerned that his confidence was being affected by his awareness surrounding his delay. While we weren’t entirely sure how the play therapy would help-he’s perfectly fine in social situations-we agreed and someone has been coming to our apartment twice a week to play games with him one-on-one.

Since the beginning of the sessions, Jack’s behavior at home has gotten almost completely unmanageable. He’s frustrated and struggling for attention and power in nearly every single situation, and it’s left his father and I at a complete loss as to how to help him.

These days have left me feeling like every day I’m up in front of the class facing the chalkboard, chalk in hand, waiting for the right answer to come to me. Every ounce of me is begging for a revelation so that I’m not left standing there in front of everyone waiting for me to come up with the right answer. Yet it never comes.

Just when I think I’ve got this parenting gig all figured out, out comes a curve ball from left field to remind me that this life is about constant education. I am incredibly blessed to have a very bright, very sensitive and aware little boy that needs me desperately to help him find comfort and confidence within himself. I wish with everything I am that I knew how to help him, and that giant void is wreaking havoc on my mental state. It feels like the elements are combining into one giant force, like the rise of a silent tsunami.

I do believe that this is a phase. The water will recede and I know that we’ll make it out on the other side unscathed and proud that we landed yet another hurdle of growing pains. However, trying to prepare for a new child on top of this is a bit more overwhelming that I was emotionally prepared for.

Amidst all of the chaos, I’ve tried to focus on the still and beauty within the spinning carousal. And of that there is much.





Pretty soon, there will be an entirely new reason to stop and focus on the preciousness of the immediate… Our little baby blessing arriving in a little more than a month.



Join the Conversation


  • Great post! Beautiful photos, as always.
    Isn’t it amazing how time flies. Sometimes, it’s unbearable how fast the kids grow and how things can change overnight, but you’re blessed to have another little one on the way. Glad that you recognize the need to savor the moment! Enjoy it!

  • I have to admit at first I was so caught up in the beauty of the pictures that I was just going to comment on how much I love looking at those adorable kiddoes first, because they are eye candy but second because you photograph them so beautifully you can actually feel the love you have for them through the pictures.
    But then I started focusing on the words and my heart broke because I KNOW, (I mean, really know) what you are going through and there is no easy answer except time, which you know. You already have it all figured out-just love him through it and focus on all that is good. I know somedays that may seem nearly impossible because it all seems too much, but I also know you’ll make it through this and he is so lucky to have you in his corner.
    Growing pains stink for everyone, especially the mommies who feel powerless to save their babies from them. Just keep loving him and just keep sharing it with us so that you know you are supported and loved right back.
    Solidarity sister. Whoever said girls were tougher never raised a strong and sensitive boy.

  • As a mom to 3, I can say that it will get easier. In the beginning, no – but after you get into a routine, it will. The best advice that I can share is to carve out some time (even if it’s 2o minutes) with your son (while his new baby bro and sister are sleeping/occupied/etc..). His time alone with you. You could even take him to get a hot cocoa, etc or read a book together. My oldest son has special needs (which you know) and we have to make sure everyone’s needs are met. Surprisingly, once our baby came, 14 months ago, Ben was Skylar’s biggest champ and even “watched” him for me the other day (as my daughter was vomiting all over the apartment). I’m still not great at leaving the house with all 3, but when one or two are in the stroller, it’s a lot easier.
    Nursing was also a great way to be present for my other two children and still take care of the baby.
    When my husband was little, he was the middle kid. His mother would sometimes get a babysitter to watch her youngest, so she could spend time with him, while his older brother was in school.

  • Hi Jessica –
    I am so glad you shared this story with your readers. I know it can be really hard to admit when something isn’t going right, especially if you can make everything look like it’s going fine. I am sure that with time, love and patience, you will all pull through. Keep it up and know that every time you share your real life with all of us, you are helping us be more real about our lives as well.

  • Beautiful photos and a beautiful post, thanks for sharing all your thoughts! I think your little boy is just craving more of you and your husband, your personal one-on-one time and attention. He realizes that there will only be less once another baby comes. I’m sure he will grow and learn how awesome it is to have two little siblings! Ah, parenting… never easy.

    I’m due with our second baby in a week, that should be interesting πŸ™‚

  • You’re so lovely. We had the same behavioral issues with our first at the same gestational age as you are now. It sucks. Hang in there.
    The water will recede. It always does.

  • There is so much I want to comment on I don’t know where to begin. The photos are fabulous, your kids adorable as usual. It’s going to be hard with three, for a while, but then its going to be so great again. I say this as if I know, which I don’t. I have two and one day hope for a third. I imagine a third is like a second when you’re so torn in directions and suddenly thrown into sleep deprivation having forgotten all about what its like to have a newborn. There is no respite when they’re sleeping because the other one is awake. Jack and Zoe are going to be amazing big brothers and sisters and you’re going to be amazed at how helpful they are. And in the end you’re going to be an even better family of five.

  • I like Cristie, always get lost in the pictures of your beautiful children … and then I read your beautifully written words. My daughters are 17 (almost 18) and 15. I remember my eldest was a perfect little baby until her sister was coming … but it passes and then it comes back πŸ™‚ There are so many things we as mom’s go through … not always easy, but as you know always worth it. It all gets better and then the teen years arrive … so there is a lot yet to go through … but we make it and then we find ourselves in our children’s senior year wishing we could have them under our roofs for much longer … the life of a mom right!

    You look beautiful … and your children as always are exquisite.

    Technical question for you … what lens do you use when photograph your kids?

    All my best!


  • LOVE this. You are spot on, Jessica.

  • Squash, face-painting magic, and a baby-bump… Wonderful pictures!! Wish I could give you a hug and be near enough to lend a hand these days. Your words speak to some of the timeless struggles of motherhood but reveal the strength we find there. As I have seen you do before, continue to bring in the light and fun as you tackle the difficult and you will get through this time with grace and joy. Lovely post πŸ™‚

  • First of all, you look FABULOUS! Secondly, my son qualified for the same serves as your son when he was almost 4. It was hard for us to deal with because we were trying to find a reason why it was happening. At the time, my husbands dad was dying and we thought that maybe he was sensing all that we were going through. But, really, every kid grows at different speeds and develops differently. Getting him services he needs is the best thing you can do for him. Some parents dont for fear of “labeling” their child, and in my opinion, that’s the worst thing you can do. So, great for you for getting him what he needs. Keep at it. You are a great Momma!

  • The beauty of those pics and the emotional impact of your words just combined in this post in a way that hit me. We all feel this way. And it doesn’t really get easier…just different. Change is always scary. New babies, especially. And Jack may be feeling that fear, too. And it could be that that’s part of why he’s behaving how he is. My pre-teen son is endlessly contrary – except when he’s not. And I hold on to those “not” moments, to remember how sweet I know he can be when he’s not struggling with figuring out where he fits in the big kid/young adult space. Jack is struggling too. He’ll come through it.
    When it gets tough, I also always try to remember that I have – as you do – a supportive husband (hey, yours wears “Jessica’s Husband” nametags at events!), two beautiful kids, a social media life that’s fulfilling, and real life friends (I’m yours!) who care about what’s happening to me.
    Plus, you’ve got those hormones. That can’t be good! πŸ˜‰
    Hang in there. The baby will arrive. You will rise to the occasion, and your two beautiful children will become three beautiful children. Your family of four will be five. And you will be sleep-deprived, and breast-engorged, and exhausted, and elated, and thrilled and scared, and fulfilled….
    you’ll be living (as you already are) a full life. With it’s highs and lows and triumphs and tough points.
    And you’ll be fine. Better than that.

  • First of all, it was so nice getting to know you better yesterday, albeit very brief. Secondly, I know exactly what you are going through and it is so difficult. I don’t talk about it online as my husband is very private. My son started having social and speech issues at age 3, and I was also showered with services about a year later. Those were very tough times for me. As a mom, when things aren’t straight and narrow, it’s hard to know how to cope. But I do remember that it was by vocalizing to friends at the gym or at work or wherever I opened my mouth to talk about what I was going through, I found out I wasn’t alone, and I started to not feel so alienated. You will get through it, times will get easier and Jack will benefit from everything you are doing now. That I can say for sure.

  • The pictures are amazing the kids look amazing. Just hang in there and it shall pass. Be the best person and mom you can be.

  • You are looking fabulous my friend! The kids couldn’t be any cuter.
    Wishing you all the best as you welcome more more cutie! πŸ™‚

  • Your have a beautiful family. I can get teary eyed about how the time as gone by so quickly. My guy is six and in the first grade. I miss the big hugs and kisses. Now, it’s maybe a quick wave goodby as he runs into school.

  • gorgeous family always– when Henry started his PT and OT sessions in the city, he also acted out a lot. He still does some days with PT, actually–he just doesn’t want to work if he doesn’t want to… It will get easier for Jack and for you you. He’ll make progress and start to really enjoy playing. see you soon. xo

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