Yielding to the Summer Current
Summer is officially kicked off. We have had pool days, beach days, and do-nothing days. My kids are home and we are whole again, free from the routine and the homework and the rushing.
Whenever we get to this point, I think about the first time I managed to get a very young Jack and Zoe on the subway and into Central Park for a picnic. At the time it was a huge feat, one that I had been entirely terrified of but I will never forget sitting on that blanket with them, listening to the peace, seeing their cherub-cheeked grins and feeling my wings sprout in that very moment. Motherhood is life-giving, for me both figuratively and literally. The past few weeks have been a stagnant, soul sucking process of feeling the balance of work and motherhood skew too much towards the business side of things. It’s difficult for me to pinpoint the feeling that I get when I lose track of what’s really truly my heart and soul, the things that spark my spirit and drive my soul. It’s the beautiful moments of parenthood; Watching my kids get along, Evvie starting to crawl, Jack thriving in his beloved sports, Zoe and Beau playing and laughing together. It’s also the hard parts though, it’s the grind of waking, making meals, running errands, following schedules and putting out fires that spark between little ones so frequently. I feel useful and needed during the most challenging parts of parenthood, and that’s something I’ve had to consciously recognize in order not to feel completely overwhelmed.
If I remember to live in the moment, as though the sun rises and sets through the period of thirty minutes just as it does in the life of a toddler, I can parallel myself with their spirits as much as possible. It helps me to understand that their entire worlds depend on the little details that feel ridiculous to me. My job is to be a guide for them, and they are a guide for me as well. If I can remember to immerse myself into those mindful waters, I am fulfilled and complete.
Summer presents new opportunities for these little reminders, and I’m trying to listen and allow the current to guide me as well.