Eyes on the Horizon

I’m not entirely sure I’ll ever get used to the visceral transformation process that comes with changing homes. We are currently knee deep in boxes, clutter, and the overwhelming emotional and tangible chaos that has engulfed our lives since we began the process last week.

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We moved from our hometown of Los Gatos to New York City to pursue Justin’s dental career six years ago. Knowing what it was like to grow up there, we were nervous about leaving and excited for the worldly experience, but I had hoped to eventually raise my family in this little town in the Bay Area. Life has a habit of presenting new rabbit trails to follow however, and as much as I loved raising my children in New York and dreaded leaving, we were homeward bound to be with family (the most important thing), and to develop Justin’s dental practice and business in Santa Cruz County. We devoted two years to Santa Cruz, immersing ourselves in the community and truly dedicating ourselves to making it work in a town that we weren’t overly familiar with, aside from the time we had spent there at leisure as children and teens ourselves.

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The truth is, I never felt completely comfortable in Santa Cruz and for various different reasons, knew and felt in my gut that it wasn’t going to be our forever home. There are so many great things about the area-ones that I intend on highlighting from time to time here-but staking our claim and laying roots didn’t feel right for our family. We are now back in our hometown after painstaking deliberation and hand-wringing, living within walking distance to my mother’s home and the beautiful elementary school that my sister and I attended. I can’t say that it feels like the perfect decision at the moment with all of the emotions flying about and blatant, total lack of order to any and everything, but we have Justin’s parents and my mom and sister close by, and that to me is what we all needed the most.

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Emotionally and physically, Justin and I have all but shut down and reverted to auto pilot. He’s nervously and tediously unpacking, and I’m fettering about making sure that the kids’ needs are attended to. Jack is in basketball camp, Zoe is meticulously organizing her room, Beau is barreling around the property like the Tasmanian devil, and Evvie is just content and happy being close to me. The two most well adjusted beings in our family, Theo and Charlie, have both settled into our new home seamlessly. The constant love, support and happiness that comes from this precious pooch is the one solid axis that we are all leaning on, as he makes his rounds loving us all in his special way. At night he sleeps with Zoe in her room, on her bed, and in the morning I wake to find him snuggled right up to Beau on his bed just like he used to do in our old home. I don’t know what we’d do without Theo, and every day I am more convinced that he was always destined for our family.


School will start in a couple of weeks and with that will come another enormous transition, but one that I think we are all eagerly awaiting and anticipating. The structure and consistency alone will do wonders for all of us, and Jack and Zoe are really looking forward to making new friends. We are craving normal-the adults most of all-but being able to ride the tide has been both freeing and challenging. We come with so much, this family of eight of ours, that it becomes it’s own living and breathing entity of it’s own.

At the moment I’m just trying to listen to my heart while keeping my eyes on the horizon so I don’t lose myself to the unbalanced equilibrium.

Join the Conversation


  • You’re not alone! We’re also knee-deep in boxes and it’s been overwhelming at times. My 5-year old misses her friends and our home (her room and space especially) but with kindergarten starting in a few weeks we hope that the structure and daily routine of things helps to balance things out. My 3-year old doesn’t mind the chaos and loves running around the backyard. We’re somewhat closer to family now so that’s been a blessing. My mantra at the moment – one box at a time. Adjusting to change in environment and finding new ways to do things are challenging especially when we worked so hard to make things run seamlessly for years where we lived before. We’ve been doing lots of deep-breathing over here – lol. Good luck with the unpacking and settling in.

  • I’m not sure if you can hear it or not, but we’re all cheering you on. 🙂 Hang in there!

  • These are the good old days… 🙂

  • Good luck in your new home and I’m sure everything will settle into place in no time. I wish we could move into a bigger house, may be one day but for now we are making the best of the situation we are in.

  • I moved many, many times when I was young….it was always an adventure. I met people I would never have had the opportunity to get to know and it made me so appreciative of other cultures, life styles, etc. It also makes you less afraid of change!

    You guys are going to be GREAT!

  • I appreciate your honesty about the emotions–or lack of them–connected to moving. Moving is very traumatic, even if you are looking forward to the new destination. I’ve moved every two years for the last ten years and I always feel guilty because I am so stressed, even when I’m happy about the move itself. There’s nothing worse that facing a stack of homogenous boxes and trying to sort out your life into some kind of organized disorder. But there’s also nothing more promising.

  • You write with such beauty and vision. Congrats on going home. I came back to where I grew up to raise my family (Marin) and even though it drives me batty at times, the sense of calm I have living where I grew up is like slipping on an old shoe. Being close to family is priceless.
    Wishing you quick unpacking and a steady routine soon!

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