Eyes on the Horizon

I’m not entirely sure I’ll ever get used to the visceral transformation process that comes with changing homes. We are currently knee deep in boxes, clutter, and the overwhelming emotional and tangible chaos that has engulfed our lives since we began the process last week.

We moved from our hometown of Los Gatos to New York City to pursue Justin’s dental career six years ago. Knowing what it was like to grow up there, we were nervous about leaving and excited for the worldly experience, but I had hoped to eventually raise my family in this little town in the Bay Area. Life has a habit of presenting new rabbit trails to follow however, and as much as I loved raising my children in New York and dreaded leaving, we were homeward bound to be with family (the most important thing), and to develop Justin’s dental practice and business in Santa Cruz County. We devoted two years to Santa Cruz, immersing ourselves in the community and truly dedicating ourselves to making it work in a town that we weren’t overly familiar with, aside from the time we had spent there at leisure as children and teens ourselves.

The truth is, I never felt completely comfortable in Santa Cruz and for various different reasons, knew and felt in my gut that it wasn’t going to be our forever home. There are so many great things about the area-ones that I intend on highlighting from time to time here-but staking our claim and laying roots didn’t feel right for our family. We are now back in our hometown after painstaking deliberation and hand-wringing, living within walking distance to my mother’s home and the beautiful elementary school that my sister and I attended. I can’t say that it feels like the perfect decision at the moment with all of the emotions flying about and blatant, total lack of order to any and everything, but we have Justin’s parents and my mom and sister close by, and that to me is what we all needed the most.

Emotionally and physically, Justin and I have all but shut down and reverted to auto pilot. He’s nervously and tediously unpacking, and I’m fettering about making sure that the kids’ needs are attended to. Jack is in basketball camp, Zoe is meticulously organizing her room, Beau is barreling around the property like the Tasmanian devil, and Evvie is just content and happy being close to me. The two most well adjusted beings in our family, Theo and Charlie, have both settled into our new home seamlessly. The constant love, support and happiness that comes from this precious pooch is the one solid axis that we are all leaning on, as he makes his rounds loving us all in his special way. At night he sleeps with Zoe in her room, on her bed, and in the morning I wake to find him snuggled right up to Beau on his bed just like he used to do in our old home. I don’t know what we’d do without Theo, and every day I am more convinced that he was always destined for our family.

School will start in a couple of weeks and with that will come another enormous transition, but one that I think we are all eagerly awaiting and anticipating. The structure and consistency alone will do wonders for all of us, and Jack and Zoe are really looking forward to making new friends. We are craving normal-the adults most of all-but being able to ride the tide has been both freeing and challenging. We come with so much, this family of eight of ours, that it becomes it’s own living and breathing entity of it’s own.

At the moment I’m just trying to listen to my heart while keeping my eyes on the horizon so I don’t lose myself to the unbalanced equilibrium.