The birth of our third child raised a common question with us: Whether or not we would cloth diaper or stick with our trusty disposables. Both my husband and I are very eco-friendly minded and try to make many-if not all-of our consumer decisions based on their ability to be kind to the planet. We flip-flopped between the two diaper options with each child, considering all things: waste, resource depletion, cost, and of course ease. Each time we have landed with disposable through trial and error, but haven’t been completely happy with what we ended up with, all things considered. We haven’t pulled the trigger on a cloth diaper service, and the disposables we use are easy, but they aren’t eco-friendly-to our disappointment.

On Tuesday night, Beau and I attended the launch of The Honest Company, a non-toxic, eco-friendly baby products line founded by Jessica Alba and Christopher Gavigan that are delivered automatically with a simple monthly subscription.

Jessica Alba meeting Beau and I

The event, hosted by Nicole Feliciano of MomTrends, took place at the super swank ABC Kitchen and was attended by a small selection of New York City bloggers.

Christopher Gavigan, Nicole Feliciano and Jessica Alba

I was honored to receive an invitation, and enjoyed learning all about the product line and inspiration behind it. Jessica was candid, genuine and completely adorable. “When I became a mom, I finally became the person I am, that I always should have been,” she says. “It’s the most satisfying job in the world. But, it can also be overwhelming and confusing. I created The Honest Company to help moms and to give all children a better, safer start.”

It pains me to post this photo, but this is Jessica, me, and Christopher Gavigan

Nicole Feliciano and I

I took the products home and immediately put them to the test. I am happy to report that of the baby products I tested, I really liked-especially the disposable diapers. They are super cute while being eco-friendly, hypoallergenic, non- toxic, chlorine-free, sustainable, and made with plant-based materials.

Once you sign up for an Honest Company account, you are instructed to add your children and build your nursery. To begin with, everyone is offered a free trial while only being charged for a minimal shipping fee-a feature that I can appreciate, because this is something you want to LOVE before signing up for a monthly delivery. Also, for a limited time they are offering Honest Wipes to be delivered for free for the length of your membership.

There are two options for orders: The Diaper Bundle, customized to your preferences for $79.95 a month (the number of diapers sent monthly depends on the size of the diaper). The Family Essentials Bundle is $35.95 and is also tailored to your needs. It comes with Shampoo & Body Wash, Face & Body Lotion, Healing Balm, Laundry Detergent and Hand Soap. After the first month, subscribers can personalize and choose from nine other Honest products in the suite.

The Diaper Bundle

The Family Essentials Bundle

Each of the products boasts an “Honestly Free Guarantee”, that the products will be free of the following toxins: phthalates, PVC, benzene, TEA, MEA, parabens, petroleum distillates, phosphates, chlorine, chlorinated or brominated solvents, synthetic fragrances, polyethylene glycol (PEG), propylene glycol, quaternium 15, GMOs, nanoparticles, triclosan, DMDM hydantoin, organophosphate pesticides, 1-4 dioxane, sodium lauryl/laureth sulfates, optical brighteners, bisphenol-A (BPA), heavy metals, alkyl phenol /nonyl phenol, formaldehyde-based preserving agents, artificial fillers, dimethicone, and more.

I’m personally looking forward to having an eco-friendly diapering option that I can count on showing up at my apartment without me having to remember to order them. I’m struggling to remember to shower and eat these days, not to mention walking to the drug store in the freezing temps for diapers is not fun (trust me). Also? The fashion forward side of me is very excited about the super cute, logo free designs. It’s about time that cute diapers came out that aren’t “designer” and high priced, don’t you think? I’m relieved to finally have an eco-friendly diapering option.

It was a treat to meet Jessica and Chris, too. They are lovely people that have honestly gotten behind their product and poured their hearts into it. Beau slept through his introduction to Jessica, which I’m pretty sure he’ll live to regret.

I was not compensated for this post. I did receive a small sample of products at the event for review purposes.

The last five weeks since Beau was born have been filled with love, laughter, exploration, frustration, exasperation and many, many lessons.

Jack and Zoe have been troopers as we grow and mold our lives to accommodate this new little being into our family. We’ve done everything we can to keep their lives as “normal” and uninterrupted as possible. They are creatures of habit, so every day begins and ends exactly the same way in terms of routine… right down to the order in which they drink their milk and water before bed. It’s a science that only a fool would dare tinker with.

In an effort to promote their individuality and give them something that is their own, we signed them up for a couple of special activities that they chose for themselves: Tae Kwon Do and Ballet (this gender divide is REAL and completely organic, I am here to tell you).

They know exactly which day is theirs and love every minute of their chosen sport, though I’m not sure if I’m the one that loves it the most in the end.

My greatest concern about having more than one child was if I would be able to give each one enough of our attention. We’re finding ways to make this happen on an individualized basis, but it’s a work in progress.

I generally put Beau in a baby carrier (I’d be lost without the Moby Wrap) and walk with Jack or Zoe to their programs, hand in hand. He is young enough still that he sleeps for hours in the wrap, so while it isn’t exactly individual time with the older kids it’s still really special. We walk through the city talking and sipping hot chocolate, and somehow the chaos of the city dissipates outside of our little bubble. Floating along amongst the honking cars, hustling pedestrians talking on cell phones, delivery guys whizzing by on bikes and impatient cabbies is far less deafening than the screams of the dirty dishes and unwashed laundry in the confines of my apartment.

I leave my home most days just for a morsel of peace. Outside in the city with my children is when I can really focus on them without the impatient nagging of endless, meaningless chores and tasks waiting to be done at home.

(I love this city like crazy.)

Once the bigs are down for the night, I’m able to fawn over and coddle sweet little Beau. He takes a bath nearly every night to calm him before his first big sleep stretch.

It is one of my favorite parts of each day.

Even though this is my third baby, all of these things feel so new again- and I love them even more. Probably because I know first hand how fleeting this baby stage is, I’m cherishing each and every single moment with Beau-even the less-than-pleasant ones.

I’m completely addicted to this baby.

Life as I know it has changed drastically and while it is extraordinarily beautiful in many, many ways, I’m struggling to reclaim even a shred of the corner I had carved out just for myself. It’s like I’ve been crawling around blindfolded trying to find it and while I know it’s there, I can’t feel it or touch it or BE in it for even a moment.

This is life with a new baby, life with three children, life as a full time mother and wife. I love my life. I just miss being able to do the things that make me feel productive and fulfill the creative part of me that I’ve discovered in the last two years.

There are many fantastic things on the horizon for us as a family and for Momma’s Gone City (my creative side). I can’t wait to share them with you. Until then I will be delved deep in my role as mother and wife, learning lessons and living and savoring each moment with all of my babies before they go and grow up too fast.

This Christmas will one of my most memorable, to be sure.

The weeks leading up to Beau’s due date and the big holiday itself, I spent nesting and squirreling away stocking stuffers and gifts for my kids, knowing that once the baby was born I would have very little time.

I took the kids to Build-A-Bear the night of the Rockefeller tree lighting to make a teddy bear for their new brother. I secretly wanted to steal a peek at the illuminated behemoth, but as it turns out, being 9 months pregnant and out alone with two toddlers doesn’t bode well for safe and easy crowd surfing.

We visited Santa at Macy’s, spending as long as possible wandering through Santaland peering at the dancing bears, trains and the sparkling decorations.

Jack asked for Legos, Zoe wants a princess castle, and I requested a healthy baby, of course.

And then, two days later that is exactly what we got.

Having a new baby during the holidays is really, really special. Of course, having a new baby ANY time is very special, but this is an entirely new feeling of wonderment and awe. Bringing him home to an apartment full of family and a sparkling Christmas tree was lovely, but the overall feeling in the air that everyone is celebrating love, life and togetherness at this time (especially in Manhattan) is unforgettable.

We did get to check out the tree at Rockefeller Center after all. And as promised, it was as magical as ever, and even more special having my mom, sister, husband, and new baby with us.

We’ve been really lucky to have all of our family here with us this holiday. My mom and sister were here for a couple of weeks before Christmas (right after Beau’s birth), and Justin’s family is here for a couple of weeks afterwards. We didn’t time the birth of this child, but it has worked out really well with coinciding with everyone’s vacation time. It’s been one of the most full holidays I can ever remember.

I hope you all have had a lovely holiday and are enjoying the company of your family and friends as well!

I’ve made countless discoveries since moving to this big city with my children two years ago. Before we moved to Manhattan, I made it a point to shop in small boutiques for all of my kid’s clothing because I knew I would find unique and well made pieces. There are downfalls to boutique shopping, however: The prices are usually a pretty high, and it’s never really easy to return something if needed. I was totally fine with all of those things (I learned to buy fewer, more versatile pieces rather than the splashy expensive ones), but I was definitely in need of an alternative shopping method-a budget conscious and easy one.

Boutiques are even harder to find in New York City, so I started poking my nose into the bigger stores to find my children’s clothing. When I discovered H&M Kids, I felt like I had really scored. Not only are their children’s clothes unique, but they are nicely made and last through the wear, tear and many washes that a 3 & 4 year old will put them through. The best part? They are priced really well. It’s evident that H&M stands behind their philosophy: To bring style and quality at the best price. They are also the #1 provider of organic cotton-their entire Baby Basics line is made with organic cotton. This was something I didn’t know and was pleasantly surprised to find out, especially as we just welcomed our third baby.

A couple of weeks ago, I was invited to shop at H&M Kids along with a few of my fellow NYC blogging friends at their new (and huge) store in Midtown.

I came home with $100 worth of clothing for all of my children-each of them got an outfit and a few accessories that they really loved (Spiderman and Hello Kitty pieces made me the hero of the day). Here are some of my favorite looks:

They’ve been wearing these throughout the last couple of weeks: To meet Santa, in their school play of The Nutcracker, and to the playground a few times. It’s nice that the clothes are versatile in that way. I’ve been a shopper at H&M for as long as we’ve lived here, and while I do miss my boutiques back home, it’s nice to have this as our go-to for children’s clothes.

Win It:

I’m so excited to be able to gift one of you not only a $100 H&M gift card but a VIP discount card as well (these are hard to come by, trust me)!

To Enter:

Leave a comment telling me what is important to you when shopping for children’s clothes.

Extra Entries:

Follow Momma’s Gone City on Twitter
Friend Momma’s Gone City on Facebook
Subscribe to my RSS Feed

Leave ONE comment per each entry telling me that you did, or already do!

Sweepstakes run from today, December 20th until Tuesday night, December 27th at midnight, PST. Winner will be chosen randomly.

UPDATE: WINNER CHOSEN!

Congratulations to Rebecca! Our winner was chosen randomly via And The Winner Is, a WordPress plug-in. Thank you to everyone who entered! Happy New Year!

I was given a gift card to H&M for purposes of this review. All opinions are, as always, my own.

Our third child and second son was born today, December 7th at 3:53pm weighing 7 lbs 3 oz.

Many more photos and a glorious birth story to follow when I am halfway coherent to write.

Thank you for all of your tweets, Facebook messages, texts, and phone calls. You sent so much love pouring through to us today, and every single message was heard and appreciated. I am the luckiest girl in the world.

Welcome, sweet baby B. You are already so completely loved and adored.

As you know, I’m rapidly closing in on my due date with our third baby. They say that subsequent babies don’t traditionally get baby showers, but I personally think that every baby deserves a celebration of some sort. I didn’t want anyone to actually throw me a shower, so I decided to celebrate by spending a week not only showcasing some of my favorite baby and mother must-haves, but also giving away something fabulous every single day of the week.

That is my kind of party. I hope you enjoy it as much as I do!

Day One: Sage Spoonfuls, Hygeia Baby, and Bebe Au Lait

Sage Spoonfuls

I’m a huge proponent of home made baby food, however with my last two children I spent far too long fussing with the wrong equipment (a standard blender and ice trays) and wasting SO much time, that the frequency that I spent in the kitchen actually declined. I wanted to make all of my own baby food, but I ended up buying the organic jarred types at Whole Foods instead. This time around, I plan on doing it the right way, with the right tools.

I met Liza Huber at the Big City Mom’s Biggest Baby Shower, a little over a month after she launched her company Sage Spoonfuls on Good Morning America in September. She is the mother of three young children, a former actress on Passion, Miss Golden Globe and an Ambassador Mom for the March of Dimes. She was flaked by her husband and many members of her family- all dressed in Sage Spoonfuls t-shirts- including the fabulous Susan Lucci, her mother. I was struck by the passion they all put into this company and once I received the product realized that they have a fantastic product as well.

The product line includes 4 oz BPA-free storage jars, labels, stackable storage trays, an immersion blender and food processor, insulated tote bag, on-the-go cooler bag, reusable freezer pack, and pocket guide. Liza also wrote a recipe book Sage Spoonfuls – Simple Recipes*Healthy Meals*Happy Babies. The easy-to-follow, beautifully designed book includes everything you need to know about introducing and feeding your baby solids, including bonus family favorite recipes the entire family, babies and toddlers included, can enjoy together! It also provides the most up-to-date information on allergies, nutrition, foods to avoid, no-cook purees, infant CPR, organics and much more.

I can’t wait to get back into the kitchen and start pureeing all kinds of fruits and veggies for this little guy. Although- I can definitely wait until he’s old enough for solids!

Hygeia Baby

Breastfeeding is one of the most important (and stressful) parts of having a new baby for me. I’m constantly concerned about everything- from my diet to my supply to frequency to backup ounces in my freezer. I used the same pump for my first two babies, and in retrospect I wish I would have invested a bit into something that was a little more reliable. This time around I researched and found the Hygeia Baby Enjoye Professional Grade Breast Pump.

PERFORMANCE AND COMFORT
Professional-grade double electric pump with independently adjustable speed and strength controls so you can find your most efficient and comfortable pumping setting.

ECO-FRIENDLY
The Hygeia EnJoye is the only breast pump on the market that is recyclable. Unlike most retail pumps that are single-user devices, the EnJoye is FDA-cleared for multiple users, so it can be safely shared between moms when each has her own personal accessory set.

GREAT FOR PUMPING ON-THE-GO
Portable and lightweight, the EnJoye LBI features a built-in rechargeable battery that lasts for up to four hours of pumping.

PLAY AND RECORD BABY’S SOUNDS
Features the unique Hygeia CARE Button so mom can record her baby’s voice or other sound to enhance her pumping experience.

3-YEAR WARRANTY
Designed for long-term and frequent pumping with proven piston technology found in hospitals. Longest warranty of any breast pump on the retail market.

SAFE AND HYGIENIC
Unique filtration system prevents bacteria, viruses, fluid and mold from entering the pump. All parts that contact breastmilk are BPA/DEHP-free.

The Enjoye has features that I wouldn’t have even thought to include if I was designing it myself. I know that I’m very relaxed knowing that while breastfeeding isn’t always easy, at least I’ll have the right equipment.

Bebe Au Lait

I’ve spoken a little about the difficulties that I experienced when breastfeeding Jack initially. It was a long, tough road but ultimately one of the most rewarding things that I felt like I accomplished and actually fought through to overcome.

One of the struggles that I experienced initially was nursing on demand, and in public. Sure, this shouldn’t really be a huge deal and I shouldn’t care that much, but part of my success came from being comfortable breastfeeding-even in public. I spent a great deal of time using nursing covers in public and found that they really helped me quite a bit.

Bebe Au Lait was started in 2004 by Claire Eklund in the town that my husband and I are from in the Bay Area. I loved and believed in the company so much that after Jack was born, I sought out and worked for them doing inside sales. I have years of experience with these covers and products and love them-they wash well, maintain their shape and color and ultimately serve their purposes consistently.

Bebe Au Lait Nursing Cover

100% breathable Cotton – single layered for cool comfort, soft as can be as it delicately shelters baby while nursing. Tuck top corner under arm for full coverage

Machine Washable

I’ve used these nursing covers for everything in addition to it’s intended purpos-as a changing mat, a sun shade, a burp cloth and a blanket. Plus, they fold up small enough to stick in a purse for easy travel.

Lille by Bebe Au Lait Quib

2 Double Sided Panels equals 4 times the clean feeding

No cumbersome closures mean no more scratches, hair snags, or bits of food stuck in clasps and Velcro™

We can never have enough fabulous bibs, can we? These are soft, wash well and can be used several times before throwing in the laundry. Plus- they’re really cute.

WIN IT!

I’m thrilled to be able to give away one Sage Spoonfuls Lifestyle Package including everything you see in the product photo, one Bebe Au Lait Nursing Cover and one Lille by Bebe Au Lait Baby Quib!

To Enter:

Leave one comment explaining the most useful product you received from a baby shower.

Extra Entries:

Follow Momma’s Gone City on Twitter
Friend Momma’s Gone City on Facebook
Subscribe to my RSS Feed

Leave ONE comment per each entry telling me that you did, or already do!

Tweet the following:

I’ve entered to win fabulous products from @MommasGoneCity, @SageSpoonfuls and @BebeAuLait for her #BabyShowerGiftGuide here: http://t.co/upKznfRi”

Leave one comment with the Tweet url.

Sweepstakes run from Monday, December 5th until Friday, December 16th at midnight, PST. Thank you for celebrating with me!

UPDATE: WINNER CHOSEN!

Congratulations to Amy Pugmire! Our winner was chosen randomly via “And The Winner Is”, a WordPress plugin. Thank you to everyone who entered, tweeted and followed! I hope your holidays are beautiful.

I was not compensated for this post. I did receive product for purposes of review, coverage, and giveaway. I hand picked each brand and all opinions are absolutely my own.

This holiday weekend was full of firsts… And lasts.

We’ve never celebrated Thanksgiving without having members of our extended family in our company (although, we did do Easter alone last April!). It was a big deal last year, and it was an even bigger deal this year. We celebrated our first and last Thanksgiving as a family of four, and it was perfect.

I started to cook on Monday making the cranberry sauce, Tuesday came the mashed potatoes, and on Wednesday I made the dough for rolls and baked a few pies. Thursday was entirely spent in the kitchen, and while I loved every moment-my body is still paying the price. Cooking a large dinner in a miniature sized kitchen with a tiny oven should be an Olympic sport… One that those who are nine months pregnant probably shouldn’t partake in. However, this was our holiday and I was determined to make it memorable for my husband and children.

Aside from a few burns, an accidentally dumped bowl of apple & Italian sausage stuffing and a soupy apple pie, dinner was peaceful and delicious. The memories of celebrating together will last with me for ages-we won’t have this time together ever again.

That morning after I put the turkey in the oven, we walked over to Midtown to peek at the Macy’s Day Parade. It certainly wasn’t anything like last year, but it was pretty awesome in it’s own way. We picked up hot chocolates and scones and stood in the crowded streets, craning our necks to peek at the balloons.

The next morning, after sleeping really well with overly stuffed bellies (mine absolutely included, even considering I was full after eating three bites of mashed potatoes), we geared up to decorate the apartment in anticipation of Christmas. Music flooded though all 780 square feet of this space while we dug out the tree from under our bed and carefully placed each ornament. I don’t think I could love this time a year more-and living here in Manhattan feels like a dream every time I step outside. It really is magical.

Our third child is due in almost exactly 2 weeks. I’ve actually really enjoyed this last trimester, and even dressing up my belly, which in the past as been more of a frustration than anything. I’m hormonal, cranky, super duper emotional and still craving foods like they’re going out of style. I’m also blissed out with excitement about having a brand new little baby in our life.

Jack has seemed to mellow out since his episodes prompted me to write about them in exasperation. Your responses, emails and support has helped me more than you can imagine. Sometimes parenting is petrifying. This community and all of my friends have gotten me through one of the toughest obstacles I’ve encountered as a parent thus far. I have a hunch that he has some anxiety about the new baby, but it could be anything. Time will tell.

Until this little guy decides to make his grand entrance, I’m trying to spend as much time with these two as I possibly can. That is, in between the craze of daily life, preparing for the holidays, gearing up for our newest addition and just being grateful. Period.

One of my favorite things to do with my kids is host play dates. It’s the perfect thing to do on rainy days, especially when those of us that don’t drive are stuck in our apartments entertaining small children with every available resource.

It turns out that during Winter on the East coast, we are doing that pretty much every single day. I have already started my list of creative things to do while indoors with my 3 year old, 4 year old, and soon-to-arrive baby #3, and much of the list involves creative play and imagination.

We were invited to host a play date courtesy of Paddywhack Lane toys to kick start our winter season of homebody activities. I was very pleasantly surprised to see all of the elements that Paddywhack Lane incorporates in their figurines.

The super cute figurines come with little costumes and play scenes, not to mention there is an entire area online where you can print up costumes for your children to incorporate during the dramatic play. My children had a blast not only creating different stories with the characters, but also dressing up and getting involved with the stories themselves. It is the perfect rainy day activity.

Author/Illustrator Bob Fuller and his wife Sandy created Paddywhack Lane together. The Fullers have eight children ages 9-26, and you could say they’ve seen it all. Unlike even the most classic children’s fairy tales and films, on Paddywhack Lane there are no scary parts and no bad guys. “The Costume Trunk” book and the accompanying line of posable toy figures are all about creativity, confidence and costumes.

Win It!:

I’m happy to be able to give one of you a Paddywhack Lane play date package of your own. I’m giving away one Costume Club Treehouse and a copy of The Costume Trunk!

TO ENTER:

Leave a comment telling me what your favorite indoor activity is with your children. I need ideas to stave off cabin fever this winter!

One comment per person, please.

EXTRA ENTRIES

*Follow Paddywhack Lane on Facebook, and leave a comment letting me know you did (or already are).

*Follow Momma’s Gone City on Facebook and/or subscribe to Momma’s Gone City and leave a comment letting me know you did (or already do!).

*Tweet about the contest using the following:” I’ve entered to win a play date package from @MommasGoneCity and @PaddywhackLane here:http://t.co/rZ3BYlHF”

Leave one comment with link to let me know you tweeted about the contest (one per person).

Contest runs from today, November 22nd until midnight PST Tuesday, November 29th. Good luck!

Update: Winner Chosen

Congratulations to Beth (Disney with Children)! Thank you to all who entered!

I was compensated and provided products for hosting the Paddywhack Lane play date. All opinions are my own.

My mom flew in from California on Thursday, so as you can imagine my life has been very peaceful the past four days. We’re all just a little bit more grounded when she is around.

She takes care of us, but mostly she takes care of me. It’s the only time in my life lately when I feel content, comforted and completely at ease. I’m not arguing with myself about what to clean first, when to make dinner and how to juggle a game of Hungry Hungry Hippos with Jack or playing princesses with Zoe between work and everything else that needs to be done. When my mom comes, she’ll throw on a pot of lentil soup and then head over to the kid’s play table to sit and work with them for an hour. She just has this way about her. The Mom Way. The YiaYia Way.

We took advantage of the gorgeous weather this weekend and walked around the Union Square Farmers Market, explored an exhibit for Little Members at the Museum of Modern Art, and spent most of our time at home, cooking, watching movies and playing games.

On Sunday, we took our second annual trip to Dr. Davies Farm for a morning of apple picking, laughing, and as usual per our car travel, many puking episodes. These kids get ridiculously carsick.

It was, however, totally worth it. Last year, we went to the farm about a month earlier in the year, and my goodness what a difference. The colors of the trees alone were breathtaking. The view of New York as we drove over the bridge from Manhattan was so beautiful- it looked as though we were driving directly into a Thanksgiving cornucopia. It made me think of the beaches in Half Moon Bay, the forests in Humboldt County and every aspect of Lake Tahoe. The West Coast is definitely awesome, but I’ve never seen the seasons change before my very eyes the way they do over here. It is quite the display.

It’s so crazy to look back at last year’s photos and see how much the kids have grown and how green the trees were, but we had an equally fun time. Picking apples to eat and cook with in the middle of the country is the antithesis of our daily lives in Manhattan-and a very much welcomed breather. We ate our way through the orchards while filling our bag and planning recipes for our bounty.

We loved having my mom there with us on this new tradition of ours, and she enjoyed it as much as we did. As much as my heart beats mightier and my mind moves quicker in the middle of Manhattan, it is so totally imperative to wind everything down and truly hone in on what is really important. Sometimes a quick escape to the country or a visit from a loved one will make all of that happen in one fell swoop. I just need to remember to do it more often, and within the comforts of our home.

October is usually my second favorite month of the year. I love the changing of the seasons, the introduction of all things pumpkin to every menu, dressing up in costumes and watching my kids enjoying the excitement of Halloween.

We spent time at the Union Square Greenmarket a couple of weeks ago, gathering our gourd and vegetable bounty and playing at Evelyn’s playground. Just me and them.

These times are dwindling when it is just the three of us, yet I can’t seem to grasp on to each one long enough.

We’ve been busier than ever before. Our lives are so full with Dental School, preschool and my various projects that the days are flying by rapidly. At night, after the kids and Justin have gone to bed and it’s just me and the glow of my laptop, is when I can really just sit and bond with this new little soul we’re going to meet soon.

I’m already getting emotional about the precious time spent with my two little sidekicks before our world changes and we are no longer a party of 4, but a family of 5.

We are all really excited to meet the new baby. Zoe still carries on regular conversations with my belly and Jack thinks of something new every day that he wants to teach his little brother. The nursery is nearly finished, his crib is built and there’s a perfectly cleaned bassinet waiting to rock his sweet little self to sleep right next to my side of the bed.

While this is our third child and we feel as though we’ve prepared as best as we know how (and honestly better than the first two), our eldest seems as though he isn’t handling the impending changes very well, and is showing it behavior that we haven’t seen from him before.

Jack recently tested for and ultimately qualified to receive speech and “play” therapy sessions four times a week. We were concerned that his confidence was being affected by his awareness surrounding his delay. While we weren’t entirely sure how the play therapy would help-he’s perfectly fine in social situations-we agreed and someone has been coming to our apartment twice a week to play games with him one-on-one.

Since the beginning of the sessions, Jack’s behavior at home has gotten almost completely unmanageable. He’s frustrated and struggling for attention and power in nearly every single situation, and it’s left his father and I at a complete loss as to how to help him.

These days have left me feeling like every day I’m up in front of the class facing the chalkboard, chalk in hand, waiting for the right answer to come to me. Every ounce of me is begging for a revelation so that I’m not left standing there in front of everyone waiting for me to come up with the right answer. Yet it never comes.

Just when I think I’ve got this parenting gig all figured out, out comes a curve ball from left field to remind me that this life is about constant education. I am incredibly blessed to have a very bright, very sensitive and aware little boy that needs me desperately to help him find comfort and confidence within himself. I wish with everything I am that I knew how to help him, and that giant void is wreaking havoc on my mental state. It feels like the elements are combining into one giant force, like the rise of a silent tsunami.

I do believe that this is a phase. The water will recede and I know that we’ll make it out on the other side unscathed and proud that we landed yet another hurdle of growing pains. However, trying to prepare for a new child on top of this is a bit more overwhelming that I was emotionally prepared for.

Amidst all of the chaos, I’ve tried to focus on the still and beauty within the spinning carousal. And of that there is much.

Pretty soon, there will be an entirely new reason to stop and focus on the preciousness of the immediate… Our little baby blessing arriving in a little more than a month.