Portrait of a Newborn

I still keep expecting to automatically be an expert on parenting now that this my fourth time around. Laughable, really, especially because I’ve made it a point not to identify with that word whatsoever, and in parenting there is no such thing. Every pregnancy was just as different as the children are. They may look alike, but that’s as far as their similarities go.

And yet. I expect to know what to expect.

Still, the first few weeks of parenthood are somewhat predictable, and I wanted to write down everything before I forgot it. Even though I might not do this again, it’s such a beautiful and amazing time of life that I don’t want these details to get buried in the following minutes and hours. She’s three weeks old… Time is folding on itself like an accordion, so many pages and I can’t seem to find the index.

My friend Julie Cahill came over and took some photos of me and Evvie, 9 days after she was born. She said it was her gift to us because she doesn’t like to cook much. I can’t imagine a nicer way to celebrate a new baby, and I’m so grateful for her sharing her talent with us.

I’ll forget how tiny they were. She’s sleeping on my chest right now, curled up with her little fingers and hands tucked under her chin. She smells amazing. I don’t want to move a muscle.

She doesn’t cry when she wakes. I can usually sense that she is needing something before she gets too upset. She’s right next to me or in my arms most of the day, and responding to her needs is easy and natural and amazing.

We’re of one, Evangeline and I.

Just like I was with Jack, and Zoe, and Beau.

Every day she’s a little bit different. She’s looking around and focusing on things so much more often now. The other day I was even able to get a little, non-gas related smile.

It was everything, as first smiles are.

There is a wiseness in her eyes that I remember in each of my babies, a sense that she is an old soul even at 22 days old. I find so much solace and relief in the depth of her dark grey eyes, as though I’ve been waiting my whole life to meet her and now that she is here I can finally rest.

So, for this moment, even though I know that I can’t expect a whole lot, I’m just focusing on really being with her. Absorbing, living, loving, accepting, treasuring.

Thank you so much for the incredible photos, Julie!