This House

I’ve been downloading a lot of my mother’s music lately. That nostalgia has been cushioning the walls of my mind like a thick security blanket as my emotions barrel around like wild horses.

I can still hear the way her Crosby Stills Nash & Young and Fleetwood Mac albums sing through crackles and pops on my mother’s record player. There is peace in those notes and their voices, and it brings a steady calm to an otherwise hectic soundtrack that accompanies our lives right now.

Life is so big these days.


We celebrated Theo’s birthday on September 11th, the day that our Evangeline was actually due to be born. He’s been so calm, steady and supportive through all of the changes in the last two weeks since our sweet baby girl came home. We’re spread pretty thin with giving everyone the attention they need and deserve, but Theo patiently waits for his turn and is grateful when he gets it. It’s hard to believe he’s been with us for almost a year now. I cannot and do not want to imagine our lives without him.


Eight days later Zoe turned six. I’ve been picking up things for her the past few months that have waited in my closet for the day I could surprise her with them; Her first American Girl doll and an Elsa dress. By the time the day finally rounded the corner, I was so consumed by making sure her day was perfect that I nearly forgot to wrap them. My baby girl, who is no longer my only baby girl, is six years old. She’s mature beyond her years and moves with so much passion in everything she does. She is kind and empathetic, she is strong, she is decisive and smart, she is so beautiful it takes my breath away.


Raising daughters has always terrified me but I think together we can do this just fine.

Great, even.


The truth is, Beau has been struggling and therefore so have I. This house is brimming full of love and energy and personalities moving in sync and in tandem, and often, naturally, at odds. My baby boy is missing me and struggling with Evvie taking up a lot of my time and both of my arms. He’s so sensitive, and when I leave or cannot be with him his cries are enough to shatter my heart over and over again until I feel like I couldn’t possibly lose any more.

But he loves her, and he forgives me. I know this is just a day in the life, a rite of passage for their relationship and ours.


Life is just so big right now.

So in those between times, when the baby is sleeping and the house is otherwise empty (rarely), I find a moment to retreat in to a safe place where my heart is steady and my mind is quiet, save the nostalgic drippings of the music from my childhood.

It’s serene and steady, just like this house so often feels like it isn’t. But that’s what I’ve always wanted and oh my gosh, here it is; My future and my past and my loves all wrapped up in four walls and a roof. Life is big but we are so lucky.

Join the Conversation


  • This is a really beautiful post. I love the imagery of the first paragraph. Thank you for sharing your life and creativity.

  • Thank you again for sharing in such a lovely way your heart. Your children (including Theo!) are all so special and it’s hard to meet all of their needs simultaneously WHILE NURSING, may I add!! You are doing an amazing job of helping precious Beau grow into his new role of big brother and out of the role of being littlest in the pack… what a growing year for everyone, but especially for sweet Beau. Give yourself lots of grace and enjoy listening to “my” music… straight out of my college days!

  • Sweet post- full of the lovely and gritty parts of being a momma…!
    You are doing great! Balancing it all and thriving in the midst. Your days and arms have been more than full lately!!

    I miss the crackling of records.

  • thank you for sharing and it’s always so helpful and important to hear/read other mommy’s stories. So lovely and well written. I’ve been reflecting on where I stand with still wanting a third and what that would mean.

  • Thank you for this honest and raw and beautiful post. I know you are just bursting at the seams with love for all your children and sometimes that is feeling is so overwhelming. I’m expecting my third child in January and this post touched me, because I know I’m going to be in your place soon. By that time you will be in a steady rhythm and life with feel so natural. I know I’ll get there eventually too. Momma’s just want their babies to be happy and to truly feel how much they are loved 🙂

  • Ah Momma! you are so blessed. Baby Beau I feel for him but I know he will be feeling better soon. Thank you as always for sharing.

  • I’ve followed your blog for a little while and I can say this is one of your most beautiful posts. I love the way you play with your words and your emphasis on love and happiness. I’m a single women with no kids but you make motherhood look like a dream.

  • This is so beautifully written. My four week old consumes my time
    And my hands lately too and my two year old breaks my heart with her cries too. I know long term this little sister is the best thing I can give her but it’s so heartbreaking in the moment. It’s nice to know I’m not the only mommy feeling that!

    Your family is beautiful:)

  • So so blessed you all are. What a beautiful family (pup included) of so many sweet spirits to blend together and ride this amazing life out together.

  • What a beautiful post. I loved how you integrated your past present and future in such a gratitude-filled way. Such sweet and fleeting and sometimes hard days! You are transitioning so mindfully. Love and light to you all!

  • love your blog, where is Theo’s dog tag from?!

  • Oh how I miss the crackling of records. Thank you for sharing this piece of your life, it was delightful, as always.

    Hugs from Quebec,Canada

  • Thank you for continuing to countinuing to love, care for, value and cherish Theo through these life changes. In the rescue community, we see so many dogs discarded and relinquished when a new baby comes into the family. It’s shocking and sickening. I would love to see a blog post on Theo continuing to be part of your family. Maybe partner with your Rescue Group on taking it further with an article in a magazine? Thanks much, Jessica.

  • Love your stories and pictures. I ADORE the pic of Beau kissing Theo for his Bday. How hilarious!!!

  • thank you for a great post. i’m sorry you are going through this, and i’m sorry Beau is going through it. it will get better and they may even become “partners in crime”…i really wanted my mother to take my little sister back to hospital which, she, of course, did not. so my sister and i turned into the best of friends and even ganged up on my mother occasionally! lots of great memories.

  • Your family is beautiful! Theo is amazing, one lucky dog for being in a family that loves him so much.
    I really hope someday I can have a family beautiful as yours, and I hope I can be an awesome mom like you.



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