Everything Will Be OK

I want to tell you about Beau. About how sensitive he is and how he’s so totally emotionally tuned in to all of us. I wish you could hear the way he calls his baby sister “Baby Evvvvvie”, it’s so cute and sweet that it actually feels like my heart is going to crack and explode through my rib cage.


But he’s struggling. He really needs me right now, and while I’m giving as much of myself as I can, it doesn’t seem to be enough. And so I’m emotional, and he’s ballistic, and then the baby cries so often and for so long during the day that the three of us wind up in a tailspin of intensity.


I’d like to tell you how well Beau is doing in preschool. He went from crying every time I left in the morning to crying every time we left together in the afternoon. At first he didn’t want to go, now he doesn’t want to leave. He comes home talking about playing with his “frens” and how his buddy Sam sits with him and does puzzles. We come home and he begs me to hold him, to sit with him and read books, to “hold me mommy” at the end of the night.


“I love you Beau. You’re my baby and you always will be”, I tell him every night as I rock him to sleep. For the first two weeks after Evvie was born, he wouldn’t respond to me. He’d tell Justin he loved him, but he wouldn’t respond to me. I’d leave his room once he was sleeping with tears pouring down my cheeks. These moments are everything, the whole entire world and I don’t care what anyone says.

We’re working through all of this, the changes and the craziness and the intensity of life that is so loud it literally reverberates off of the walls and feels sometimes like they’re closing in on us.


It’s been five weeks now, five weeks since his world turned upside down.


I’d like to tell you all about how awesome it is despite the intensity, but Evvie is fussy right now, this morning, yesterday, last week. I think she might be perpetually gassy or maybe it’s reflux, perhaps her little system is having a hard time processing milk, it could be that I’m eating something that doesn’t agree with her. She fusses a lot of the day though, and it makes it especially difficult to process, to write, to be inspired, to be patient with all the beautiful little creatures in my home that need me.

So, instead I’ll try show you.


I’ve so appreciated every one of your comments on here the past several weeks, months, years. You are supportive and kind, and it’s been so awesome and unexpected for me, a tribe of mothers and friends and amazing beings that I’m just so grateful that you spend a moment of your time sharing your thoughts here and on the social networks that connect us. Your words and thoughts have helped me so much, in ways that I certainly didn’t expect. Thank you, thank you, thank you.


Children are little capsules of everything, all the feelings and love and light, the good and the crazy all concentrated into their little bodies with big imaginations and monster sized hearts.

I’m lucky to partake, to learn from them. It’s intense and crazy and wonderful and everything will be ok. I might even be able to tell you about it.

Join the Conversation


  • Your honesty is brilliant & beautiful. I picture my Mat ( same age:birth as beau) to be the same way when our next comes along. Beautiful family xx

  • Aw honey. I’ve so been there. And nothing I could say would or should have any bearing on those tough nighttime moments with Beau.

    But, this. My five kids keep asking me for another. It’s not gonna happen, but they ask. Especially the oldest, my 8th grade 5’10 little man, whose world was so rocked by the arrival of his sister when he was 19m old.

    Hang in there….you’re giving them the best gift no cash money can buy.

  • Although it probably seems like anything but, you’re doing great! Beau will settle, Evvie will get her little self figured out, and you will find peace and serenity in the new norm. Keep your chin up, try to find a few minutes for yourself for sanity, and keep saying those “I love you’s”. This too shall pass!

  • Yes. Nichole ^ is so right! Having each other as they grow up (and especially after they’re all grown up!) to lean on and encourage one another, and help each other when one needs it… a priceless, amazing, lifelong, like nothing else and no-one-else-on-the-planet kind of gift.
    You look amazing and your haircut is adorable. And you are doing the most important work ever, juggling so many lives and jobs all at once. And we all (who’ve walked this path) know it will all settle into it’s own, in time.
    I pray rest for you! That will help as much as anything! God bless you all πŸ™‚

  • There’s good news and there’s bad news

    The good news.. .this too shall pass.

    The bad news….this too shall pass.

  • I wish I had some words of wisdom to calm your days, but I can’t say I’m experienced enough to do so. We are half way to adding our second child to our family and I am going through fears I never imagined experiencing when I was younger. All I can say is, thank you. Thank you for being honest and real. That way when everything doesn’t go perfect when our second baby arrives I won’t feel like such a failure.

  • I love your honesty and beautiful portrayal of your family! How you describe Evie sounds much like my little guy who is now 11 months. He cried nonstop until I eliminated dairy and soy. Feel free to email me for more information if interested. You’re an amazing momma and your kids are blessed beyond measure!

  • Beautiful post. Heartache and heart-bursting love all at once. It gets better. Hugs to you and your family. Xo

  • Oh, this post tugged on my heart so. My youngest is almost 2 weeks old and I have a very needy 3 year old and a slightly rebellious 4 year old. Thankfully I do have a good eater and sleeper, but my recovery from a c section (and tubal) is making me not such a vigorous mommy. I can only say, from my experience, that consistent love and support from your spouse will get you through (as it is me). I’ll be sure to say a prayer for you throughout my day, in hopes it somehow helps you with yours. From one new mom to another, I send you love.

  • I so needed to read this. I’m due with #2 right now and my son is beaus age. I’m so worried about the transition. He is attached to his momma. Thank you for the real life posts. <3

  • I hear you. Loud and clear. My third was fussy, I expected her to just slot in, but she didn’t. And with a two and four year old at the time it was exceptionally difficult. I wore her constantly in the sling. My two year old changed instantly over night when she was born and was so needy. I used to have to lie in his bed every night till he fell asleep for 8 months afterwards. He was needing so much more from me than I could give. It was so trying. But 3 years on, we are settled the needy two year old is now 6 and I am pregnant with my fourth. He is the most excited about the new baby and I have no doubt my now 3 year old will go through an adjustment period.

    One day at a time is my motto and slowly you can attend to most of their needs. While I so look forward to holding our next newborn in my arms, I know the adjustment will not be seamless and we will all have to adjust.

    Love your posts you are a fabulous Momma!

  • Your comments instantly take me back 22 years and I’m almost in tears! I feel your intensity as I did back in those endless, l-o-n-g days, minutes, hours. A colicky, fussy, gassy baby and a needy, confused 3 year old. “Watch me Mommy”, ” Hold me Mommy”, “Put the baby down Mommy” All. Day. Long.I felt my heart breaking into a million pieces, every day. I know this sounds tired and worn out, but the days pass and everyone settles in time. All I can say is hang in there. Your beautiful photos of your amazing family bring so much joy to so many every day and eventually that joy will come back to you in spades!

  • Oh, thank you, thank you for your honesty here. As we wait for our second, I wonder often about how it will rock my little girl’s world. This is a beautiful reminder of what love does.

  • So beautifully written. Thank you for your honesty. I only have one (young) little one. But if we’re lucky enough to have a second, I’d imagine a similar process would unveil itself within our family. Sending hugs to you all, ’cause that’s all I got.

  • You are an amazing mom! Five weeks is the peak of newborn fussiness. Evvie will settle down progressively from now on. Beau and Theo just break my heart. Each of my 3 kids had a dog to sleep with, I wish I had pictures.

  • As always you are honest and sweet and sensitive to you tribe of littles. I just love Beau so much…it’s so hard to no longer be the tiniest and to share Mom’s arms and love but you are right… he will forgive you and your bond will continue to be string… Love his sweet little heart and strong personality. It will get better!!

  • As tears poor down my face, I would hug you if I could. These days pass! I remember holding my youngest the night before I was to head back to work. I was crying my eyes out because my youngest had been so sick (so had I) and I just didn’t feel like I had fallen in love with him yet. I was so weak I couldn’t even really hold him. He was sitting propped up on my bent legs. I had a 19 month old running around crazy asking to hold the baby, the camera, the whatever-I felt like I was letting them both down. My husband took a picture of me crying while our little pumpkin just smiled away. Fast forward almost 21 years and the picture looks different. Two wonderful young men, one graduated from college who married the daughter of my dreams, our second 3/4 of the way through college and ready to begin his new career following in his dad’s footsteps and tomorrow is our 25th anniversary! These hard days will pass and you will miss every sweet, painful moment of them. Embrace them. Kiss baby Evvy, tell Beau, Jack and Zoe how much you love each and ever thing about them, every day. Let Justin help when he can (bless them, but we all know daddies are daddies and crying babies, wild toddlers and a crying wife are not an easy task for them) but please remember to love yourself. Love yourself and all of your beauty-inside and out- as well as your struggles. No mommy is perfect, but you are really darn close! Sending thoughts and love to all of you. (((((Hugs))))))

  • Currently sitting in the dark eating an ice cream cone (and browsing Facebook) next to my 15 week old while he sleeps in my bed. My husband is on the couch. My 2.5 year old threw up all over me today. I’m 15 weeks in of adding a second and it’s really hard. Somedays harder than others. There are still many days when I feel an incredible guilt that comes with turning my 2.5 year old’s world upside down. Today was one of them. She woke up from her nap and wanted to be held but the baby was sleeping on me so I did my best to cuddle her on the sofa. I guess you just do your best and hope that at the end of the day they know how much you love them.
    Your blog is amazing and I thank you for sharing your life with the world. You are an amazing mother and you are doing an incredible job.

  • I just wanted to write you a note to let you know that many of us out here are praying for you, pulling for you and know you are doing your best. Somedays I am sure it must seem like such an effort to put one foot in front of the other. Just keep doing what you are doing which is being there for your children and husband and taking it one day at a time. You are doing great and they know it. Your children have a strong relationship with each other and that is because of you and Justin. That won’t change. The dynamic changed with Evvie’s birth, but that is completely normal. The family just has to adjust and will develop its own rhythm. It will.

    We are out here encouraging you!

  • Oh, boy where do I start. I have always wanted 3-4 kids, it has been my dream. I have a handful of mom friends who has 4-5 kids and it always looked like so much fun, chaos but super fun. We had baby #3 in April of 2011 and I cried at the birth because I was so sad I was done. As #3 grew older I just didn’t feel done…we tried for 1 more and got our little Mr. baby Maxwell James this time last year, Oct. 12, 2013. I had a very hard, quick and intense labor and after he was more I passed out for 2 minutes due to low blood pressure. We brought Max home after a few days and it was total chaos. My husband got a new job and we were all struggling to adjust. I felt like I had to be super mom, getting everything done for everyone all the while taking care of a fussy newborn. I was worn out every minute of every day. When Max was 3 weeks old I started waking up with horrible anxiety. I was in a panic. I saw my OBGYN early for a 5 week check up instead of 6 and they were helpful but also not so helpful. I told them I was anxious all the time and crying all the time. Still no one was helping…even my husband was busy getting settled into a new job and I was left taking care of 4 tiny humans. My anxiety came crashing down when Max was about 7 weeks old. I called my mom and told her I loved Max dearly but didn’t want him anymore. I asked if she could just take him and bring him back when he turned 1 years old. Needless to say my mom got in the car and drove over the next day. She stayed with us on and off from the time Max was 2 months to 10 months old. She would come for 1-2 weeks and go home for a few days and then come back. She was an amazing help and I don’t know what I would have done without her. It wasn’t until Max was about 7 months old and sleeping through the night and napping good that I started to feel like myself again and I could slowly feel the dark cloud of anxiety lifting. And when Max turned 9 months I finally felt like myself again! I was happy and enjoying my family again! I was busy on Pinterest looking up room inspiration for my older boys room! I was happily re-decorating my house! I was back to ME!!!!! Looking back honestly, I can say the hardest part was the baby infant stage. I am just plain DONE with babies! I am done with the crying, done with the fussing, done with the sleep training, done with the first solid foods, etc! I would happily take a room full of 2 year olds over a tiny baby any day! My dream of 4 children was very different than I had ever envisioned. But ya know, it’s getting so much better!!! My baby Max just turned 1 yesterday and I cried! I cried tears of joy that I survived! That this time last year I just kept saying, “when he turns 1 things will get so much better, I just have to hang in there and make it to 1 years old”. And guess what? I did!! He turned 1 yesterday. He is now a toddler. Soon he will be walking and the fun will really begin. So, my advice is to get help when needed. My family was really my help. I don’t think I could have done it without my mom and my mother in law. Ask for help from everyone you can. Don’t be a supermom! But most of all, you are just going to have to struggle through it…I know, that is not what you want to hear but that is just what I had to do. I had to get up everyday and face the day. I took it one day at a time, so just take baby steps and take it one day at a time. It will get better as time goes on…as each month passes it will get easier…once Evie is sleeping through the night and napping well things will get so much easier. But I know trying to juggle the needs of the other kids is really hard, so very hard. My #3 and ONLY girl in our house had a very rough adjustment period which drove me insane trying to take care of a newborn. So hang in there, cry if you need to. It’s going to be hard for a while but ya know what? IT WILL GET EASIER AND SO MUCH BETTER!!!!!! The bond your kids will have will be amazing. My final and last baby turned 1 yesterday and it has gotten so much better πŸ™‚ There is a light at the end of the tunnel even though you can’t see it right now (and believe me, I didn’t see any light in the tunnel until my baby was about 7 months old). Breath and hang in there the best you can.
    I know you said you read the comments, but even if you don’t I want you to know we are here for you. I grew up in Los Gatos and moved to Sacramento for College. My parents still live in Los Gatos and we visit on and off when we can. We love Santa Cruz and just visited last summer 2013 before Max was born and it’s just a hop over the hill from Los Gatos. If you ever want to talk or meet or email just let me know. Us mom’s of 4 kids need to stick together! Hang in there things will get better.

    Hugs, Angela Langford

  • What a beautiful post! This brought me back 2.5 years ago, when we added #3 into the mix. I remember holding our youngest son as our older boys came into the room for their first brother introduction. I didn’t know my heart was capable of bursting and breaking at the same time. That’s the only way to explain the way it feels when your heart makes room for another child, but changes the “old” order of the family dynamic. Beau will get there and so will Evvie and you; hang in their momma!

  • Ah yes, I remember those first few months. Mine would cry for hours every night. Witching hour. It was so hard. Those first three months. Now he is almost 13 months. And you know what? I hardly remember those tough times. This too shall pass. Granted I only have one. And you, my dear, are a rock star with four. I wish I could give you and Beau a big hug. You are doing a great job and you love your family so much. That is always very apparent. xoxo

  • Your family is lovely and I enjoy your pics and blog so much. I was wondering if you would post baby pics of all of your kids? They all look so much alike , just curious to see what their baby pics look like as well.

  • Ah the many inner directional movements of emotions. Along with the joy comes the struggles of growth and change. Isn’t life amazing?

  • Jessica,

    I normally don’t respond to too many blog posts of blogs that I read, unless God puts it on my heart to share something. Thank you for your honest posts. This one spoke to me in particular because my little one is seven weeks this week and we turned a corner at six weeks. Up until then he was pretty gassy, spit up a bunch and cried s little more than normal. Well, after a trip to the ER we found he does have reflux but they gave fantastic tips. Plus I gave up dairy for now and that really seems to have made the biggest difference for him. I occasionally still have s little bit, but he seems like a new baby. I ft so bad for not switching sooner, but these are things a person learns. Perhaps it is dairy for your little one. I drink vanilla almond milk so I can still get calcium and more protein, but I figure sacrificing dairy for now is small in comparison to having a happier baby. My sisters kids all had sensitivity towards dairy while she nursed but once they moved to solids and were weaned they could have dairy and so could she πŸ™‚

    Praying for you and your family as you transition. What a blessing for all of you to grow during this time. I just read something today that said: God isn’t trying to make our lives easier; He wants to make them more meaningful. Cheers to the meaningful things in life!

    If you’d like to know some of the tricks the hospital gave us too for his reflux I’m happy to share those as well.

  • I went through this with my son after my daughter was born. It’s definitely not easy, that’s for sure. Change can be so hard, and take a lot of time. For us, I think it wasn’t until closer to 2 months in that things finally began feeling more normal. There were still many days where it was still so hard to be there as much as my son needed, though. It all works out eventually, but no one could have prepared me for these moments and just how difficult being a mama truly is. Love and light.

  • Great post, big feelings describes it perfectly, everyone going through so much change. This too will pass, the tough and the amazing , it all will pass. But it’s so hard when you’re in it, to even see the other side. I’m not very religious but there is an Irish blessing which ends with ‘may God hold you in the palm of his hand’ so that is my wish for you and your beloveds while you are in this and beyond it. Keep well, try get more sleep and hold on as hard as you can until you’re through it. Xx

  • I’m sorry that it’s hard. I hope you let yourself ask for help IRL – from friends,from family, even hiring a mother’s helper. Four kids is a LOT – please lean on others. Not that you asked for advice. πŸ™‚

  • I don’t know that I can say anything that hasn’t been said. I’m an old mom to three twenty-somethings. But I can join in and say that while all of our situations are vastly different, they are alarmingly the same. Two of my children had very difficult health problems at birth which added to the mix. I know my days and nights ran together and that first year with my last two is mostly a blur. And if I could lend you anything it would be hope for a new normalcy, a new routine, with more joy than you thought you could hold in your heart. You are going to be okay. Beau is going to be okay. I’m going to offer a small prayer for your little family because I’m helpless on my own to lend a hand, offer an ear, toss you a knowing smile , or shed some tears . I know you know this, but you’re doing a great job being a great mom. It breaks our old-mom hearts because we’ve had those heart-wrenching moments, the sleepless nights and we know that it will soon be replaced by less of this and more of that. Hold on.

  • The way you express your love for your kids brings me to tears. I’m so emotional lately 28 weeks pregnant with my third child. I constantly worry that I’m not going to be enough for all of them, won’t give them what they deserve, which is everything in the world. It’s hard to have your heart break from love but also the greatest gift in the world. Your honesty is so refreshing and you really are helping every other momma know they aren’t alone. Hopefully you feel the same in return!

  • Wow. I really needed to read this. We just welcomed #2 into our family 9 weeks ago and we have a 2.5 year old son. My little is also very fussy and needy, wants to be held constantly which has my older son fighting for my attention. He too verbalizes wanting my husband (who works terribly late hours) over me which breaks my heart. I keep telling myself it won’t always be this hard but while we’re in the thick of it it seems like it will never end. Your post and the comments by all your readers makes me feels less alone and more hopeful and that is everything right now. Thank you.

  • I enjoy your honestly and writing so much…I’m a mom of 1…a boy 6 yrs. old but this post really speaks to me. Thank you for being so vulnerable and for sharing your life with us.

    Hugs, Lisa

  • You have done this before with Jack & Zoe being so close in age, so know that you can do it again!

    Your blog brings me comfort because my two are exactly a year apart with the baby just turning 7 months and my goodness, what a difference that makes. Why does it go so fast though??? It doesn’t feel that way when you are in it and sleep deprived and exhausted and stretched in too many directions.

    I feel guilty at night that my husband usually does the night time routine with the 19 month old and I’m with the baby. The other night the baby was happy playing on the floor and my 19 month old sat on my lap to watch mickey mouse clubhouse!! I wanted to freeze time as I feel I don’t get to cuddle him enough even though I do the best I can. You’re doing the best you can, don’t be so hard on yourself. πŸ™‚ xx

  • Jessica – You had Evie approximately a week before my daughter-in-law had my first grandson. She hasn’t been able to communicate with me very much. She is either dealing with her baby blues, or finding her little one too overwhelming in a foreign country, or a little bit of both. So your posts about Evie, and Beau, and getting it together have really helped me through wondering how my grandchild is doing. Believe it or not, you have more together than you can even think!!

    Hang in there, hon.


  • Your post is beautiful. It will be ok. What an amazing mum you are to be so sensitive to Beau given where you are at with new bundle to love. He will be fine and so will your relationship with him. Adjusting just takes time. Be good to you. You can’t give it all away- you need to leave something for you too. You can can do this. Beau can do this. You heart is big enough and so is his. Sending you much love, laughter and happiness from Australia.

  • Thank you for being so honest. I only have one child but when she was an infant I was so overwhelmed and exhausted and all people ever talked about (in person and online as I was searching for help) was how wonderful things were. I know this is a difficult time but I (and I am sure many others) truly appreciate your openness about your struggles. Saying lots of prayers for you and your family !

  • I’d like to give you a virtual hug right now…I have three daughters and my oldest is actually the one withe issues with transition and change…and when I told her we were expecting our third daughter (when she was 6) she cried and said she didn’t want it. Needless to say, that was rough and heartbreaking. But, she loves her baby sister so much now. My middle daughter who was three at the time we thought would be the easy one…but she also had a tough time because I had an emergency c-section so she couldn’t cuddle on my lap while I was recovering. Kids have a tough time breaking routine and giving up sole attention from their mommas. It will get easier for you, and for Beau. Have you tried gripe water for Evvie? My oldest was colicky and this helped. Good luck, you are doing great!

  • Jessica,
    I feel such a connection with you and reading your posts over the last couple months I feel like you are writing the words I cannot speak. I have a three month old and my other son just turned four. Over these last couple months I have had to keep repeating “everything will be ok, I can do this” and “this too shall pass”. My older son has been unbearable. We used to share this bond, it was us against the world and that all changed with the addition of his brother. He became this child I no longer recognized. I feel like I have failed him. His world was turned upside down and it’s my fault. Slowly life has started to return to somewhat normalcy but I feel this disconnect with him now. I really wish us (you, me and all the other moms out there) luck. Being a mom is the most challenging and rewarding experience ever. If I made it through yesterday I can make it through today and I know you can too.

  • I got a lot of “put dat baby down”…especially since I was still nursing #1 when #2 came along. I was so torn and felt guilty, but slowly, it worked its way out and a routine revealed itself. My second was the Spit Up Queen and would SCREAM until she spit up (and yes, I burped her). We all just needed time – and sleep. We all took naps together and if I could get the baby to sleep while my older daughter napped, we all woke up rested and happy!! Hang in there! Like an earlier post said, “This too shall pass” and believe me, you just might miss it!

  • Aw mama! You are doing a good job. Not sure how you find the time to blog, some days I can barely find time to brush my teeth. Take care of yourself, don’t spread yourself too thin.

  • Sending (((HUGS))) to you and Beau! Everything will settle down into a more calm state soon… in the meantime just doing what you’re doing. You seem like an excellent, attentive mother. Use your support system, and be gentle with yourself. xxoo

  • @momasgonecity. Sweet Jessica. What a lovely mother you are. You have raised three beautiful kids already. Each one has taken a part of you. That part can belong to no other. But remember, love is limitless. There is always enough of you to go around. Sending love and blessings from Paris xx

  • I may be losing it… When I first read the story yesterday I thought B told you under his breath that he loved your back (after a week or two of adjusting)…..

    I am rereading this again and it’s breaking my heart, I can’t even imagine how you feel!

  • I could feel your ache in these words. Motherhood has shown me that it comes on fast but it goes away just as fast. Hang on. Do this one minute, one I love you, one breath at a time. You are doing great!

  • You are doing great and this too will pass. That you have such connection to your children is a gift that only you can give them. Surviving the first months of a newborn along with a toddler is a feat not for the faint of heart. I did it once, you did it once, and you are doing it again. Don’t worry about what you share, how much, how often, just do the best you can and keep living day to day, making your family happy by being there for them. You are a wonderful mom and deserve all of the “over the internet” love and support we can send your way. Hang in there! You are awesome!

  • Beautiful photos. I’m sure it must be hard. I am not a mother, but I have many friends that are, and I am an Aunt. I have seen babies not 1 yr old get a new sibling and then ranging from there to 6.5 yrs difference. Maybe it’s harder on the younger ones because they don’t have the tools to understand how to express what they need, I don’t know. What I do know, just by following you for a short time, that you are a superb mother and have a beautiful family and it will be ok. Keep listening to your instincts which I think are to live and untrue, and I don’t see how, low term that could ever go wrong.

  • hang in there momma! This was me 2 years ago….you are an AMAZING Mom – it’s so tough/beautiful/messy all at the same time. Sending positive vibes your way.

  • Oh sister. I feel the pain and restless and longing for normalcy. The voice that yells- WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?! And then the soothing one that says- YOU WERE BORN TO DO THIS. And if it were easy- would motherhood be such a divine calling? I think not. It’s hard because it just is, and it’s important, and because love just oozes out of every leaky, sweaty hormonal pore. My Grey was 22 months old and he was so mad at me when I brought my youngest Parker home. He couldn’t say much- but his eyes sure did each time he would walk into the room and I was holding Parker. His whole face dropped and he would instead reach for Dad. I was so grateful he had that soft place to land but I was raw that it was no longer me. It’s crazy how we move on and change and forget what was once a pain that filled my whole wide heart and spilled out in the home. One day, we were there. Our new normal. You will be there too. Big fat hugs, Chrissy

  • maybe a Beau and mommy date is in order soon?
    I feel your struggle in your words{{hug}}.

  • you’re amazing.
    never doubt.

  • Oh, how I understand the exhaustion you’re feeling right now. My son would cry and fuss for hours on end, and nothing made it stop. It was better as long as I held him, but that meant that I couldn’t put him down without unleashing a torrent of howls. Zantac ended up helping some, and him learning to sit up helped a lot more. I know you’ve raised 3 babies before this, but in case you need a reminder: it’s okay if you just. can’t. deal. once in a while. Put her down, let her cry if she’s going to, catch your breath for a few minutes, and then go back to it. As a wise nurse once told me, if they’re crying, they’re not dying.

  • Hi,
    My son had very bad gas and reflux and I took him to go see an osteopath. The best thing I ever did! Within a couple of weeks, the reflux has lessened a whole lot and within months he was a different child. I highly recommend it. I love your blog! Your family is beautiful. Every post I read brings tears to my eyes. I can see how much you love your family and how much you cherish them. Take care.


  • I absolutely love reading your blog. This one, especially, struck a chord with me.

    I’m married one year this coming weekend and I know kids will be part of my future. But my goodness does it all scare me! Thank you for being so transparent about motherhood. The trials and tribulations, but also the joy it brings.

    All the best to you and your lovely, lovely family.


  • It breaks my heart to read that Beau is having such a difficult time adjusting. But I do think it speaks volumes to what a wonderful mother you are to him (to all 4 of your beautiful children). He’s missing the attention right now, but he will adjust. You all will adjust, just like each baby before Evie. Thank you for sharing your life with your readers….I can feel so much love in each post, most bring me to tears. I love reading. XOXOXO.

  • Ohhhh this made me tear up!!! In a good way, you’re saying exactly how I was feeling when we brought our number four home and paternity leave was up and all of a sudden I was alone for 8 hours a day with four kiddos πŸ™‚ our ‘baby’ girl turned two just 4 days after we welcomed our new son, and it was a tough transition. It’s been four months now, and it’s getting better. We’re getting there. Slowly and surely. Hang in there momma, you’ve got this!
    Asher (the newest) was super fussy and gassy at first, and then it all balanced out. So hopefully Evvie does the same!!!
    Such a coincidence- we have an Evelyn, and call her Evvie πŸ™‚

  • Hi Jessica,

    I’m not a mother, nor do I enjoy to read however, I’ve found myself night after night before bed reading through your blogs. Your story is inspiring and as busy as things are for your family, you inspire me to one day be as wonderful of a mother as you are. Your families story is beautiful and I wish the best for each and everyone of you. Thank you for giving me an extra reason to smile everytime you post a new photo on Instagram. Lots of love from Canada xo

  • I’ve read this post many times over and cried before, during, and after each read. I can’t thank you enough, Jessica, for your courage to write about the struggles of motherhood with such honesty and raw emotion. As my family prepares for baby two, I know my first will struggle. Correction: I know my entire family will struggle! But I will come back to this post for support and reassurance that change is hard but the struggle is soooooooo worth it….and that I’m not alone is this crazy journey.

    Many hugs and HUGE thank you from Chicago.

  • Sorry for being so late to this party (I was catching up last night). Your posts really touch my heart, and I just wanted to tell you that I will be praying for you and your lovely family. I know that you know that it will get better, but that’s little consolation when you are struggling through.
    Know that all the moms (and non-moms) out here are sending you love and good thoughts. <3

  • Hi Jessica,
    This precious post instantly brought me to tears….they are falling as I write. I do not have any babies of my own (unless you count my sweet Jack, who is covered in fur), however, your post absolutely broke my heart. I think I may be very much like your Beau. I am strong willed, stubborn, and outspoken too. Oh, and did I mention that I feel ALL the feelings….literally all of them…sometimes all at once….such a blessing and a curse. And I am my mama’s baby. Proudly the youngest of 3 to two pretty phenomenal parents.

    Anyway, what struck my heart was that I know being the Mama of a hard-headed, stubborn, strong-willed, feeler-of-all-of-the-feelings is not easy. I went through a period in high school where I would tell my Daddy that I loved him when I left for school in the morning and would not respond when my Mama when told me she loved me. I now know that purposely omitting those 3 little words hurt her heart. The truth is that I loved her so very fiercely and she loved me just as fiercely (multiplied by 1000). Praise the Lord we are well past these days and I tell her regularly how very much I love and appreciate her. Beau will too…

    Thank you so much for being vulnerable enough to share about this incredibly challenging time in your Mama-Beau relationship. I cannot imagine how much your heart hurts while in the midst of learning to balance all that is required of you from so many littles, a husband, and your ever growing business. Please know that your words (and adorable photos) reach far and wide….times so far that they touch the heart of a twenty-something girl all the way back on the East Coast…. Off to share your post with my Mama….

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