Growing With Them

Jack and Zoe are 19 months apart. Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about the time we spent together during those first few completely wild, totally amazing years.

How I loved having two babies. We did everything together, so many firsts spent learning about life, the three of us. Our first time in Manhattan; on the subway; meeting Santa at Macy’s. It was insanely difficult and yet I can barely remember those times that I felt would surely break me.

I used to think when Jack and Zoe were little that I didn’t want them to grow up. It wasn’t that I was just blissed out of my mind with their ages at the time, but I was a bit anxious about what it would be like to have older kids. I had figured out how to be a mother to toddlers, and wasn’t ready for the next level. Time wins though and while it sailed with us through the beautiful times, it also saw us through some really rough patches. Jack had a rough streak around his fourth year of age-times when I surely thought I had failed him in every way. He’s always been emotionally complicated, but this year it seems as though we might have just made it to the other side.

I’m starting to see glimpses of the individual he’s becoming and my heart just wants to leap right out of my body. He’s always been reserved in how much of himself he allows to share with the rest of us, but lately we’re seeing more and more. Sports and academics seem to be the gateway for him, the former being something I would never, ever have guessed to be true a few years ago. He isn’t naturally inclined physically like his little brother, but he is equally as talented and gives it everything he’s got, 110% of the time.

“I want to be a baseball player when I grow up, that’s why I’m playing Fall Ball mom” he told me through tears mid meltdown over his baseball pants and socks being too small just before he had a game. Another first for me, hearing those words, though I had to process through feeling like a putz for not having a properly fitting uniform for him to wear to his games.

He hit his first line drive off of the pitcher during the game that day, the first one I had been able to attend since having Evvie.

We all cheered for him, including his sister who has always been his biggest fan.

Our afternoons are filling with these types of activities and it’s actually so much fun. Even though these days often mean tired, dirty kids and late dinners post game.

I’ve said this a couple years in a row, but seven is definitely my favorite year so far with Jack. He’s a new and even more amazing kid every single day. His competitive spirit is in a good place too, one where he’s inspired and motivated to do well but not overly pressured. It feels good and healthy right now.

There are so many changes happening in our home and our lives that I feel like I might combust, but taking time to reflect and really appreciate moments like this bring me to a level of understanding that reminds me that I can actually do this. And if I take a cue from my son, we can both do it well.